On January 9, 2017, at around 8 AM, I had a very bad cerebellar hemorrhagic stroke. My first symptom of the stroke was double vision. Then the room started spinning. We called 911 and they came telling me I had a migraine, so they left. I threw up and passed out. After a series of mishaps, I was at duvet having brain surgery to clean the blood out of my brain. I then fell into a coma for five weeks. When are you awake? I was in and out of consciousness, could not swallow, could not talk, could not walk, could not use my hands, barely could breathe without coughing, and that was with my trach in. I stayed in the UVA inpatient rehab until the beginning of March at which time I was sure I’d go home. But I didn’t. I went to Atlanta, Georgia for about four more months. That was really bad, but when I went home, surprisingly it turned out to be a very different kind of hard.

Prior to my stroke, I was a marathoner and very intense, competitive tennis player. I was also the mother of three very amazing girls. I still am but a very different kind of parent. I was a full-time researcher at the University of Virginia and also the caregiver of many animals. My life was very full-some may say too full. But I loved it and felt very productive. The day before I had my bad stroke that changed everything I had said “I have everything. I have done it all and I have it all.” The next day I had my life-changing stroke.

Now, after my stroke, I am still trying to figure out how to be in the world and how to reinvent myself. After 8.5 years, I am still learning, but I’ve come a long way. Initially, all I could do was cry. I was in major denial, thinking immediately that I would return to my old life. I was very wrong. Finally, after two years, I stopped crying. I pivoted sharply to figure myself out. I had to relearn a lot, including brushing my teeth, doing my ponytail, dressing, myself, showering, and controlling my totally out-of-control emotions. After several painful mishaps in the kitchen, relearned how to cook. Most importantly, I learned some really great philosophical lessons. Now I always live by my 4P’s: patience, positivity, persistence, and perspective. So important is, I’ve learned how not to beat myself up so much. I’ve learned that rest and support are really important. At the same time, I’ve learned to take full responsibility for my own rehab and that it requires extremely hard to work. I’ve learned that the brain changes very slowly. And probably most importantly, I’ve learned that western research is slow so when you must really trust feelings in your body first. Then of course it behooves us to be fully aware of the research world – one that’s out there for stroke.  Although I truly loved my profession before my stroke, I have now committed myself both personally and professionally to stroke rehab.

The Niekro Foundation’s Richmond Support Group has been very beneficial to me. I learned so much from this group mainly that stroke, never discriminates.  And that there can be incredible diversity in terms of race, socioeconomic status, gender, and intellect to name a few. There can also be incredible diversity in the kind of presentation stroke leads to.  During our meetings, we had so many different conversations ranging from medication to books about stroke.  Also, at this meeting I was exposed to many different opinions, and the understanding that everyone is unique and everyone is different and that is a good thing.

I also completed the Niekro Foundation 5K which reminded me that training is hard work. When I finished, I had a new sense of accomplishment. I used to be a marathoner, but now just finishing a 5K is a huge accomplishment. This event provided me with a focus and a great feeling of agency, power, and the value of persistence.

My words of advice for other survivors is Never give up! It doesn’t happen overnight but every day you’re a step closer to recovering. Always think of what you can do (be supportive to other survivors) and not what you lost. Always have faith and believe in the healing power of prayers.